On Goal Setting
On Goal Setting
I think something we struggle with a lot in life is establishing a clear idea of what it is exactly that are are striving for – setting some concrete goals, whether it be in our relationship, our career, our lives in general. One conversation that I find I commonly engage in is around how to distinguish our goals (what we are aiming for) from the vehicles to reach those goals (how we get there). I find this is a common experience for many people. A classic example is when we are of the mindset that “I need this new job – it is what I have been hoping for, it will be the answer to my current difficulties”. I challenge you to explore what it is about ‘the new job’ that will create change for you – how will you feel, what will be different in your life and within yourself? In many instances, it can turn out that ‘the job’ itself is not so much the goal, but the feelings and changes it brings about can be – ‘the job’ is simply the vehicle to reach the goal. When we can create this level of distinction, suddenly there may be many other possible vehicles to reach that same goal, and we can then address our energy towards different possibilities rather than feeling locked into one particular direction.
Another way of looking at this was proposed by early solution-focused therapists, who would ask their clients what became known as ‘the miracle question’. Put simply, they would ask their clients to imagine their usual nightly routines, getting ready for bed, going to sleep, and then suggest that overnight a miracle has happened and their main concern or issue has disappeared. Because they are asleep, however, they don’t immediately recognise that the issue has gone away, and so they are encouraged to think about what is different in themselves, in the world around them – what might other people notice is different? In this way they could start to imagine not just an absence of ‘the problem’, but a deeper understanding of what things might be like in a different future.
More next time!