Relationship Basics – Apologies
Relationship Basics – Apologies
Conflict and ruptures in relationships are normal. It Is rare within any of our relationships in life, whether romantic, family or professional, to not occasionally experience some type of disagreement, disappointment or mistake that leads to hurt feelings or worse. What makes the difference in our relationships is how quickly and effectively we can acknowledge and repair these ruptures.
This can be more easily said than done sometimes, particularly when our own hurt feelings or pride can get in the way. If we can repair these quickly, however, it avoids the build-up of resentment and negative feeling over time, which can sometimes lead to the end of a relationship. The first and most important part of repairing these ruptures is an effective and meaningful apology.
Amy Alkon, who has written extensively about manners and etiquette in the modern world, identifies four key parts to an effective apology:
- Admit you were wrong;
- Express remorse;
- Pledge it won’t happen again;
- Make amends if appropriate.
Sometimes even acknowledging partial responsibility can go a long way towards repairing the bridge in a relationship. We also need to ensure that each part of this apology is, in fact, genuine (such as not promising something won’t happen again if there is a likelihood that it will). Sometimes this can take some time and reflection on our part, which may mean giving a brief acknowledgement of the rupture to the other person in order to avoid the build-up of negative feelings, before returning in the near future to offer the apology in full. When done meaningfully and genuinely, an apology can heal any wounds caused by the original rupture and allow us to return to a close and positive relationship with the other person.
More next time!